Al-Fatihah for Makwan

Assalamualaikum...

Today marks one week Makwan (my grandma of mum's side) passed away. To be honest, I'm not that close to her compared to my other cousins because most of them were taken care by late Makwan since they were small. Well, but still I felt her absence, the loneliness the when she left us.

The last time I saw her was when we did a kenduri naik rumah. What I aggrieved the most was, I never had a picture with her. And second thing was, she passed away on Mak's birthday.

On that day morning, I called Mak and wished happy birthday with rush because I was in the bus heading to TITAS class and building maintenance which both had presentations. So, I was planning to call mak again on the night for a longer birthday wish and chats.

Little did I know that day was going to be a sad day for her. Around maghrib, I received a message sent by Kak Farah (my eldest cousin) saying:

"Assalamualaikum all. Mak wan has passed away. Kita still boleh bagi penghormatan pada mak wan.
1. Esok siapa boleh solat, solat jenazah.
2. Kita doa supaya dosa mak wan diampunkan.
3. Doa anak yang soleh masih diterima."

When I got the news, I was in the dormitory with Sarah. My tears dam burst and I immediately think of how's Mak feeling. Everyone was forgetting about me and only Kak Ina remembered to pick me up and bring me to Makwan's house in Gombak hahahahaha. I went for a quick shower first while waiting for Kak Ina to arrive at KK10. Then I received a call from Mak. She sounded normal to me like no tears at all. I told Kak Ina about this and she said Mak had enough tears this evening and after maghrib till she had no tears now.

Arrived at Makwan's around 11 something, her corpse arrived before us. Mandi jenazah and her burial will be done on the next day. The rest... let it be a history. I cannot afford to tell you guys whats the rest because as of now (while writing this entry), I'm crying again remembering all these.

Rest well Makwan, you had enough fighting kidney failure, dialysis and those painful procedures almost everyday during your last 3 weeks living. Ya Allah, please grant her the highest rank of Jannah. Maybe I never say this to her but now I'm going to say this... adik sayang sangat makwan walaupun kadang-kadang makwan garang and tegur adik macam-macam but i know that is all for my best. Al-Fatihah...

That was makwan and atok during kakak's (my cousin) wedding in Ipoh. 

Atok on at makwan's burial day

Outsider

Assalamualaikum...

I was an outsider since form 1 and proudly until form 5. Yesss! 5 years without staying in the hostel. Lantaklah nak kata aku anak manja ke apa.

Cikgu Roshadah used to ask the class when I was in form 3,

"Siapa NR dalam kelas ni"

"Hah? Ape tu?" we questioned her back.

"NR - non resident. Yang duduk luar tak duduk asrama"

"Oh... outsider ke"

"Eh, nape pakai 'outsider'. Macam pendatang haram PATI je. Dekat universiti orang tak panggil outsider, dorang guna non resident"

Tapi akhirnya sampai aku habis sekolah pun tetap selesa guna outsider rather than NR.

Jadi outsider seriously banyak jugak cabaran berbanding duduk asrama (kalau korang golongan minoritylah). Macam sekolah aku (SMKA Dato Haji Abu Hassan Haji Sail), majority duduk hostel. Outsider batch aku dlm belas-belas je per total 132.

Situasi 1: Kelas Tambahan

Korang selalunya akan diperhatikan oleh cikgu sama ada datang atau ponteng kelas tambahan. Yelah, minority senang nak cam. Lagi-lagi kalau dlm kelas mmg selalunya aku dgn Aina duduk tempat yg dekat. Jadi, kalau kita org tak dtg, nampak sangat ada tempat-tempat kosong.

Situasi 2: Bentuk kumpulan presentation

Being left out. Nasib baik ada Oliver Sameon. Terubat pedih di hati. Budak asrama kan duduk sekali, makan sekali, pegi kelas sekali, tidur sama-sama dkt asrama, belajar sama-sama sampai tahap sehati sejiwalah, jadinya kalau kena form group selalunya kita orang kena sisih. Kalau pair takpelah sebab boleh pair dgn Aina (dia pun outsider).

Situasi 3: Kelas cancel last minute

Time form 5, aku rasa ada dalam 5-6 kali jugaklah kelas cancel last minute. Nak marah jugak sebenarnya tapi nak buat macam mana. Cikgu ada hal last minute, cikgu penat balik mesyuarat, cikgu ada meeting tergempar. Lumrahlah kan. Kena deal. Lagi-lagi jadi outsider.

Kadang-kadang tu dah datang sekolah, nak pegi dewan makan (DM-tempat selalu buat kelas yang gabung satu batch), terserempak dgn junior/batchmate cakap "class mlm ni cancel, cikgu ada hal" ataupun "kelas start lambat sikit (selalunya kelas mlm start pukul 8 tapi kadang kadang kalau cikgu ada hal, postpone class lepas isyak)"

Yang postpone tu aku boleh tahan lagilah sebab boleh call dulu cakap balik lambat sikit sebab confirmlah mula lambat habis pun lambat. Lepas first time aku kena kelas cancel tu, setiap kali ada kelas malam, aku cakap dkt ayah suruh tunggu dulu nak tanya dorang class on ke tak.

Situasi 4: Kena tegur kalau tak datang class

This part memang tak boleh tipu. Sebab kalau kau ponteng memang cikgu/uztaz mesti akan cam. Aku pernah sekali terlajak tidur time maghrib, bangun-bangun dah pukul 8 lebih sedangkan class start pukul 8pm. Cita dia mmg aku tak dtg teruslah. Time tu kelas arab. Esoknya, aku terserempak dgn uztaz dkt kantin. "Nadrah tak datang ye class semalam?"

"Ha ah uztaz. Mintak maaf. Semalam ada hal sikit" Hehehe, tertidur pun kira hal kan.

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Dilema jadi outsider pun ada. Selau jugak aku tanya Aina;

"Tak nak pegi class malam ni boleh tak? Penatlah."
"Malasnyaaaa, taknak stay class petang ni boleh?"

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Update 17 April 2019


Ya Allah sorrylah baru tengok balik entries zaman purba kala. Hahahaha gelak balik rasanya baca draft dulu. Anyway still gonna up this post. ;)