Al-Fatihah for Makwan

Assalamualaikum...

Today marks one week Makwan (my grandma of mum's side) passed away. To be honest, I'm not that close to her compared to my other cousins because most of them were taken care by late Makwan since they were small. Well, but still I felt her absence, the loneliness the when she left us.

The last time I saw her was when we did a kenduri naik rumah. What I aggrieved the most was, I never had a picture with her. And second thing was, she passed away on Mak's birthday.

On that day morning, I called Mak and wished happy birthday with rush because I was in the bus heading to TITAS class and building maintenance which both had presentations. So, I was planning to call mak again on the night for a longer birthday wish and chats.

Little did I know that day was going to be a sad day for her. Around maghrib, I received a message sent by Kak Farah (my eldest cousin) saying:

"Assalamualaikum all. Mak wan has passed away. Kita still boleh bagi penghormatan pada mak wan.
1. Esok siapa boleh solat, solat jenazah.
2. Kita doa supaya dosa mak wan diampunkan.
3. Doa anak yang soleh masih diterima."

When I got the news, I was in the dormitory with Sarah. My tears dam burst and I immediately think of how's Mak feeling. Everyone was forgetting about me and only Kak Ina remembered to pick me up and bring me to Makwan's house in Gombak hahahahaha. I went for a quick shower first while waiting for Kak Ina to arrive at KK10. Then I received a call from Mak. She sounded normal to me like no tears at all. I told Kak Ina about this and she said Mak had enough tears this evening and after maghrib till she had no tears now.

Arrived at Makwan's around 11 something, her corpse arrived before us. Mandi jenazah and her burial will be done on the next day. The rest... let it be a history. I cannot afford to tell you guys whats the rest because as of now (while writing this entry), I'm crying again remembering all these.

Rest well Makwan, you had enough fighting kidney failure, dialysis and those painful procedures almost everyday during your last 3 weeks living. Ya Allah, please grant her the highest rank of Jannah. Maybe I never say this to her but now I'm going to say this... adik sayang sangat makwan walaupun kadang-kadang makwan garang and tegur adik macam-macam but i know that is all for my best. Al-Fatihah...

That was makwan and atok during kakak's (my cousin) wedding in Ipoh. 

Atok on at makwan's burial day

Outsider

Assalamualaikum...

I was an outsider since form 1 and proudly until form 5. Yesss! 5 years without staying in the hostel. Lantaklah nak kata aku anak manja ke apa.

Cikgu Roshadah used to ask the class when I was in form 3,

"Siapa NR dalam kelas ni"

"Hah? Ape tu?" we questioned her back.

"NR - non resident. Yang duduk luar tak duduk asrama"

"Oh... outsider ke"

"Eh, nape pakai 'outsider'. Macam pendatang haram PATI je. Dekat universiti orang tak panggil outsider, dorang guna non resident"

Tapi akhirnya sampai aku habis sekolah pun tetap selesa guna outsider rather than NR.

Jadi outsider seriously banyak jugak cabaran berbanding duduk asrama (kalau korang golongan minoritylah). Macam sekolah aku (SMKA Dato Haji Abu Hassan Haji Sail), majority duduk hostel. Outsider batch aku dlm belas-belas je per total 132.

Situasi 1: Kelas Tambahan

Korang selalunya akan diperhatikan oleh cikgu sama ada datang atau ponteng kelas tambahan. Yelah, minority senang nak cam. Lagi-lagi kalau dlm kelas mmg selalunya aku dgn Aina duduk tempat yg dekat. Jadi, kalau kita org tak dtg, nampak sangat ada tempat-tempat kosong.

Situasi 2: Bentuk kumpulan presentation

Being left out. Nasib baik ada Oliver Sameon. Terubat pedih di hati. Budak asrama kan duduk sekali, makan sekali, pegi kelas sekali, tidur sama-sama dkt asrama, belajar sama-sama sampai tahap sehati sejiwalah, jadinya kalau kena form group selalunya kita orang kena sisih. Kalau pair takpelah sebab boleh pair dgn Aina (dia pun outsider).

Situasi 3: Kelas cancel last minute

Time form 5, aku rasa ada dalam 5-6 kali jugaklah kelas cancel last minute. Nak marah jugak sebenarnya tapi nak buat macam mana. Cikgu ada hal last minute, cikgu penat balik mesyuarat, cikgu ada meeting tergempar. Lumrahlah kan. Kena deal. Lagi-lagi jadi outsider.

Kadang-kadang tu dah datang sekolah, nak pegi dewan makan (DM-tempat selalu buat kelas yang gabung satu batch), terserempak dgn junior/batchmate cakap "class mlm ni cancel, cikgu ada hal" ataupun "kelas start lambat sikit (selalunya kelas mlm start pukul 8 tapi kadang kadang kalau cikgu ada hal, postpone class lepas isyak)"

Yang postpone tu aku boleh tahan lagilah sebab boleh call dulu cakap balik lambat sikit sebab confirmlah mula lambat habis pun lambat. Lepas first time aku kena kelas cancel tu, setiap kali ada kelas malam, aku cakap dkt ayah suruh tunggu dulu nak tanya dorang class on ke tak.

Situasi 4: Kena tegur kalau tak datang class

This part memang tak boleh tipu. Sebab kalau kau ponteng memang cikgu/uztaz mesti akan cam. Aku pernah sekali terlajak tidur time maghrib, bangun-bangun dah pukul 8 lebih sedangkan class start pukul 8pm. Cita dia mmg aku tak dtg teruslah. Time tu kelas arab. Esoknya, aku terserempak dgn uztaz dkt kantin. "Nadrah tak datang ye class semalam?"

"Ha ah uztaz. Mintak maaf. Semalam ada hal sikit" Hehehe, tertidur pun kira hal kan.

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Dilema jadi outsider pun ada. Selau jugak aku tanya Aina;

"Tak nak pegi class malam ni boleh tak? Penatlah."
"Malasnyaaaa, taknak stay class petang ni boleh?"

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Update 17 April 2019


Ya Allah sorrylah baru tengok balik entries zaman purba kala. Hahahaha gelak balik rasanya baca draft dulu. Anyway still gonna up this post. ;)

New Phase

Assalamualaikum guys, it's been sooooooo long since my last entry which was in early this year.

Alhamdulillah I managed to go through the university life (read; hostel life) and suit myself with the new environment.  Omaigadddddd,  gotta tell u it's totally different! Don't expect it's going to be smooth and happen in the way u imagine when you were in high school (just like what I did). No more spoon-feeding guys! You have to work on your own and study really hard esp those who are doing or going to do foundation. I was like heyyy,  I still didn't understand this topic but the syllabus still has to go on so I got no option but to understand it by myself.  But don't worry, the lecturers are all super friendly and kind.  You just have to ask them and they are always willing to help you.

Oh yaaa,  for those who is wondering what I am doing currently: I am now doing my foundation in life science in UM aka PASUM.

Okaylaaaa,  till then.  Gotta go first.

Ayah Terlupa

Assalamualaikum.

All this time was a lie. Hehehe. Kata nak update selalu lepas SPM. Well, I'm quite busy with shops and everything (just a game though)

Sebenarnya baru balik (dlm pukul 6 lebih tadi) dari belajar kereta. Today is the third time driving lesson (not including the KPP 1 and law test). Hey, I passed the test with score 47/50. Not that good though, sebab aku target nak kalahkan abang (he scored 48). Nahhh, whatever.

Macam ni, aku baru bangun tidur time pakcik tu sampai rumah dalam pukul 5 macam tu. Tertidur okay, TERtidur. Aku tak pernah-pernah tidur petang for real kecuali kalau penat sangat. Harini tak tahulah dirasuk hantu mana tidur petang. Muka bangun tidur takyah cakaplah.

Tetiba mak masuk bilik cakap "Adik, pakcik tu datang nak jumpa".

"Hah??? (masih mamai dilamun mimpi indah)"

"Cepatlah keluar kejap je. Dia nak cakap pape kot pasal kelas."

"Okay, jap jap." seraya aku ke toilet untuk basuh muka dan mencapai cardigan dgn tudung sarung.

Aku pandang balik apa yang aku pakai. Seluar tidur hot pink corak love love ber-background-kan polka dot putih, t-shirt and cardigan blue black, tudung sarung color brown dgn polka dot putih. Cuba bayangkan. Omaigadddd, fashion alien manakah ini? 'Hmmmm, lantaklah. Dia nak jumpa kejap je'.

So aku keluar rumah dengan muka yakin. Ayah tengah sembang dgn pakcik tu pasal saman ke ntah ape. "Hah, meh masuk" arah pakcik tu.

Pastu ayah bersuara "Alamak, ayah lupa nak cakap petang ni belajar memandu." (sambil tepuk dahi)

"Hahaha (gelak besau ye ko pakcik). Takpelah pegi siap dulu"

Aku terus masuk bilik. Tukar seluar jeans dgn t shirt pink muslimah. Tudung mana sempat nak lilit-lilit lagi dah. Pakai jelah tudung sarung tadi. Okay, dah.

Dalam hati aku sempat bersyukur sebab aku tak keluar rumah yg first tadi pakai towel je. Selalunya kalau takat nak intai orang datang rumah celah tingkap atau cakap-cakap dekat depan rumah aku pakai towel je lilit kepala.

Okaylah. Dah masuk maghrib. Byeeee. Sekian entry-tidak-bermotif-hari-ini-sekadar-berkongsi-lawak. Hahahaha.

Advice

Assalamualaikum...

I was thinking for the next entry while cleaning the all the draft on blog. Suddenly I saw this entry without title and with cliffhanger. So I think that this is the best thing to post today. (you know that actually i'm bored)

So it started when we were on the way to somewhere a long time ago (poor memory of mine, sorry). Ayah then told me about arwah atok's so called advice for life (al-fatihah). I don't even have the chance to meet him. And I think that it's quite interesting how he made it relatable to our life. So, here are the 3 advices:

1. Kalau kita pelanduk jangan ber*k mcm gajah.

Meaning: You should know yourself, you limit and your ability. More or less like 'ukur baju di badan sendiri'. Don't be overconfident with yourself or have a gasconade. 

2. Kalau kita pucuk, jangan gelakkan pelepah yang jatuh, sebab pucuk juga akan jadi pelepah suatu hari nanti.

Meaning: When someone sad, fail or encounter problem, don't laugh, make fun of it because one day all of us will face the same thing. Remember, life is like a wheel. There are times when you're up and sometimes you're down. 

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3. Don't remember. Hehehe

Wassalam. More updates soon!